How the cheese melted
Posted Monday, June 20, 2005, 01:14 AM
“Because my Maid of Honor’s maid of honor was a freak show, and is doing the same thing to me to get revenge for her!”
This illogical statement came out the mouth of the wonderful woman that I am going to be marrying in 109 days. Why, under the vast blue sky, would she say such a thing about a woman who is her best friend in the whole world, and who she loves like a sister? The answer is simple: She is planning a wedding and therefore temporarily insane. Or, as my father would say, “the cheese has slide of the cracker.”
Now, in defense of the Maid (Matron) of honor, who is the wife of my best friend in the whole world (who incidentally is the Best Man), she is in England and coordinating dress measurements between the Queen’s Standard and the American standard can be dicey at best. Let alone the fact that, apparently, the sizing standards for woman’s dresses are more loose guidelines and really mean nothing at all. As a man, this a very strange thing to try to comprehend, but apparently it is the way it has been since before I was born. That is not an easy thing to coordinate while you are out of the country.
This really is all leading up to a point, and here it is. Wedding planning is the first step in proving that you can actually stay married. It’s true. My fiancé and I have gotten into more “discussions” about table lines, color pallets, signature mats for pictures, and about what kind of privileges our children will have (God willing we ever have any), than I ever would have if we had just started living together. I swear, that the process of us having to figure out how to diplomatically have all the family members we want at the wedding in the same room, and being able to afford to feed them all, is something that will destroy your relationship if you are not careful. Especially if you are pour (like most people my age), and do not have the saving grace of parents or family to aid you.
Word to the wise: Weddings will kill you if you are not careful. I’m now convinced that the reason a couple goes on a Honeymoon as soon as they are married, is to get away from the wedding planning aftermath. You spend hours, days, weeks, months, planning this big event, and then you have it and life goes back to normal. But it doesn’t go back to normal because it is completely changed forever from that day on. So, you slip away for a week, pretend your crazy relatives do not exist, live like you have never lived before (and probably never will again), and get away from the craziness that you started the day you asked the woman of your dreams to marry you.
Wedding planning sucks! Actually, it blows. It blows those huge, big, industrial size chunks: the green kind that smells really bad. But I’m told that the day is well worth the effort…I’ll have to get back to you on that one. Only 109 days left till the whole thing happens. I just hope that my fiancé and I can hold onto what little sanity we have left in that time. Because if the cheese does not slide off the cracker, it just may melt by the time we get there.