A Bit of Balance
Posted Thursday, March 16, 2006, 11:05 AM
OK, so I just read my post from Monday for the first time and It’s a little unbalanced. You can really tell that life is hard right now when I start to rant and rave about how my life is similar to other great people who have suffered.
So here is the gist of it: Life is hard right now because both my wonderful wife and I have run out of steam. For the last year and a half we have been living on the edge of disaster, and have mulled through some how without being completely torched by the fire. Between jobs that suck the life out of both of us, only barely being able to make enough money to keep a roof above our heads and eat under that roof, and hoping that neither of us get caught driving with out car insurance, things are just a little bit stressful right now. Added on top of that my wife just found out that the assignment she is working right now will only last till the end of the month, and we don’t know how we are going to make rent for next month if she does not get a good source of income.
That is the gist of it. If we had just been hit with all this stuff, I’m certain my first reaction would be to say that God will provide and there will be a way through this somehow. Yet I’ve been saying that every month, for the last 15 months, and the feeling that I have right now is that you can only roll the dice so many times before something is bound to not come up in your favor. I know how God works, by allowing people to suffer in order to make them stronger. But right now my philosophy on life is starting to reflect that Demotivator Brand picture that says, “Inevitability: That which does not kill us, merely delays the enviable.” Because my wife and I are at the point where we can not take any more. A familiar cloud of impending doom that once filled my life for so long has returned. I will would give anything not to go through that feeling again, because depression is just so down right…depressing.
I hope that this entry puts some sharp relief on the previous one. I still think that God is a bit of a Bastard for keeping us on the end of a string the way we are. However, as my good friend Rachel pointed out on the phone the other day, if God really has no creator then he has no father and is therefore technically a Bastard by definition.