A Moment of Enlightenment
Tuesday, March 21, 2006, 08:33 AM – Stuff About Me
I think that I have a bad habit of blowing something things out of proportion. I’ve been reading some of my writings lately, a few of my own blog entries, and stuff I’ve been posting to other people’s blogs, and I really think that I need to chill a bit. For some reason I have no internal filter for a lot of the stuff I put out there on the net. Mostly because I still think the net is not real, and because you should never believe something printed on someone’s personal blog as fact. Maybe it’s because I’ve been in such a hard place for such a long time that I have to vent it. Or I’m just a self centered asshole. Either way, I need to be more aware of what I’m posting.
Why the sudden realization? I had a job interview yesterday with a company in Chino. It went very well, and they want me back tomorrow for a second interview. It’s a tech support firm that is still a little small but growing at a steady rate. I’d be doing the kind of stuff I was doing back at APU, only focused on the support side instead of the sales side of things. I’m really excited! The interview went really well, and the senior partners seemed to like me. Tomorrow they are going to sit me in front of a few machines and see what I really know.
In light of a posting from a few days ago, I have not been thinking straight as of late. I think I’ve been blaming God for a lot of my problems, instead of trusting him to pull me through. Blaming God for the way that universe was made is not going to make things get better. Trusting God will also not make things better. It’s important to be honest with my feelings of anger, and it is important to be honest with my feelings of disappointment and resentment. Yet it is also important to see that the world is not about me, and neither is the plan that God has for my life. It’s his plan for his own purposes and I’m just along for the ride. Which is a very bad place to be if you see God as an ugly dictator.
Someone recently reminded me that relying on my own understanding of God is not what I’m supposed to be doing. I’m supposed to trust that he will deliver me from my circumstances, just like he has done countless times before. (Thanks Jori).