When Will the Lesson Be Over
Posted Sunday, May 28, 2006, 05:41 PM
I’m writing a story right now, which is an odd statement because I’m always writing a story, and having a problem with it. For some reason I can’t seem to get past this one spot which happens to be the point where the actual story takes off. At this point the characters are told their destiny is to fulfill a prophecy.
I have written this scene in many different ways. One way is that they all accept it and move on, trusting that their destiny will unfold in a timely manner. Another way is that they all reject the idea of destiny, and carry on with the understanding that they create their own destiny. And still another way is where I have some of them accept destiny, and other reject it, and argue about why they should carry on in their task. The reality is that I need one character who does, one who does not, and one who is undecided…I think.
So I find myself asking weather or not I personally believe in destiny. No matter what I need to figure out my own opinion before I can write this scene and get on with the rest of my story. My own view will inevitably bias my character’s, and if I’m wishy-washy so will my characters be. And nothing is more annoying, at least to me, than a story about people who can’t really say what they believe.
I used to believe in destiny as a forgone conclusion. I once saw God’s will as an all supreme and unavoidable fixture in the universe, and nothing happened that he did not allow. Now-a-day, I tend to have a slightly different view of how the world works. After all if things only happened because God allowed, and man had now power or authority of his own, then God is responsible for pain and suffering. Sure, you can say God allows men to make their own decisions, but that is just God not exercising his power by choice. I believe the saying we use in church for that, when humans do the same thing, is call a “sin of omission.”
Yes, I’m bitter. But more than that I’ve lost trust. Don’t get me wrong, I still believe God is sovereign, and Jesus is the only way to salvation. But recently I find myself more and more disillusioned with my faith. Things are not as I thought they were. I actually find myself believing God is an all powerful, all knowing, bastard that watches as the world tumbles into chaos around him. All for the sake of human kind having “free will.”
Maybe it’s not about destiny. Maybe it’s not about trust and faith. Maybe it’s about being in place where you have no other option but to give up, and see if God will really deliver like you believe he will for not other reason than to do so is your only option. Maybe it’s about having an experience that teaches you what can happen with you have nothing left. How much further must I be stretched before I learn the lesson I’m meant to learn? How much must I watch my wife suffer along side me, until we have the chance to stop despairing about problems with our life?
Maybe if I get through this…I can finish writing my story.