I Hate Money


Hate is a strong word. And to be honest, it is very hard to tell the difference between hate and envy at times. Or maybe the reality is that it is easier to hate something that is intangible than to deal with the fact that you are inadequate in and of ourselves to master said object.

No matter what happens, I keep finding myself under the gun when it comes to money issues. Just when I think finances are about to equalize and we finally have gotten on top of things, I apparently forgot to read the fine print on something somewhere and end up having to pay a fee for something. Case in point, if you make the minimum payment that is listed as due on your credit card, that is not necessarily what you have to pay in order not to receive a finance charge (especially it a late payment fee was assessed and that put you over your credit limit resulting in an over limit charge as well). And in these instances there really is only one place to put the blame for my financial problems. As much as I would like to put the blame on other people, I know the fault lies with me. It is my fault my wife and I are in the situation we are in.

Here is the rub: We have enough money to barely get by with what we need, but not enough to get far enough ahead that we can get out from under this huge big weight it feels like is pulling down on my shoulders. And there is not more emasculating than knowing that you can no longer afford to get your wife birthday presents, because if you don’t bite the bullet now with some of your bills it will take twice as long to ride of them. And each months I think this is the last time we have to do this, and we end up being just short of our goal. Just short, in this game, means a lot of money shelled out this month that we were hoping not to.

I wish we could just get over the hump. Once we are there, that will free up enough money each month to do things like get our cars registered (if they pass smog check). And to boot, the AC when out on my car for the second time in a week. Usually I would just ask my Dad if I could go out to his place to get it fixed, but that cost more money in gas that I have this month. I’m actually kind of glad that my wife got to go to North Caroline to visit her Grandmother, because they are celebrating their birthday together. Had she stayed here she would have had to endure another birthday where I could not get her anything.

And I refuse to take the out of blaming credit cards on my debt situation. Had I not gone into credit card debt, I would not have been able to afford for my wife and I, gas to get to work, or other things that I must have to keep from going into worse debt. I knew that it would not be fun to dig back out, and that it would take a year or so, but in the economy and job market I am luck to be able to make due with what I have. I work hard, and I life a modest life, I should not have to constantly fight this dam hard to have a peaceful life.

So the question is: Is it because we don’t have money, or is it because I can’t manage to manage our money correctly? I honestly don’t know. I know that we do not live a life of luxury, and I can see places we could not spend money, but I don’t see us being able to save enough money by doing so to make a dent in other things.

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~ by trinity777 on July 30, 2007.

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